Stepping into your purpose may bring up fear and internal resistance, because the patterns of your life don’t want to die. Finding our purpose reminds us of the gap between their current state of happiness to the happiness they want to be, but focusing on the gap is what sustains the gap.
Purpose is an essential aspect of masculine being. Men thrive on knowing where they’re going and why they’re going there. Being lost and confused, not knowing where you’re heading, feels terrible for men. The sensation of being lost cuts against the grain of who you are, and it’s one of the leading causes of depression.
Losing your sense of purpose and direction in life can be a dangerous period to navigate alone. If you find yourself in a dark place regarding your purpose then please reach out to either myself or others in your circle—this is not something that you have to bear alone.
That said, I want to talk to this masculine aspect of purpose and the question of why you’re here on this earth - this is best discovered in solitude.
In my years studying with David Deida, I’ve heard people, over and over again, ask,
“What can I do to find my purpose?” “How can I discover what I’m here for?”
“And once I know my purpose, how can I inspire others to join me in its manifestation?”
“Once I find what I’m working on and must do to reach the core of who I am as a man, how can I share that and use it to get help and support on this journey?”
Solitude is key
The best method of finding this purpose is to spend time alone in solitude. This is a two-step process. The first step, discovering your purpose and learning what you need to do before you die, requires space and solitude.
Prioritize this by deliberately allocating time to this practice. Remove distractions. Challenge yourself to discover how much time you can spend effectively doing nothing. This means unplugging from your devices, from media and the news, and not even reading or participating in the routine entertainment and distractions of your daily life. Touch the inescapable depth of being that is waiting to manifest through you using your particular body and life circumstances. Your purpose is directly related to who you are, what you are, and how you arrived where you are at this point in your life.
In solitude, you can encounter your naked self and understand what attracts and repulses you. You can focus on your values, beliefs, and what matters to you, rather than what you inherited or grew up within because of your family, schooling, or other environmental factors.
Ask yourself, what do you truly want? What is calling you from within your depth of being? The answers to these questions are often not thoughts. Sitting in this emptiness, one finds that thoughts eventually wash away, and we may recall our past mistakes and experiences in the form of feelings, pain, loss, or incompleteness. The gut and heart speak with sensations and emotions, not discursive thoughts and self-talk. The answers that come to you during this foray into solitude may not relieve you or make you happy. It could be revealed that your purpose is to live through something undesired and avoided until now and to do so in an accepting, relaxed, and open manner.
Ultimately, your purpose is how you as a masculine being leave a trace on this planet. And it usually isn’t just about you; usually, it impacts much more of the world. Because of that, most men’s purposes involve others. So, although your clarity of purpose is best discovered, sustained, and deepened through solitude, the next step is about community, inspiring others to join you in your vision, and inviting their feedback and backing.
Sharing your purpose with others is a direct way to move through your fears. Speaking your truth, particularly when you feel vulnerable, is an act of courage, and in doing so, we attract support in unexpected ways.
Overcoming our unique patterns of resistance
Inspiring others to join your purpose enables you to gain traction in areas where you may currently be stuck in thought, uncertainty, and indecision. Fear and resistance come up when you uncover your purpose, and this doesn’t go away when you’re trying to inspire others to join you and help you on your way.
This is because the patterns of our lives don’t want to die; we have patterns of resisting our purpose, and in many ways, there’s a continual push-pull within us. Otherwise, we’d already be doing what we want and need to do. This resistance is an accumulation of all the fear and pain we’ve collected over the years. This pattern of resistance and stuckness includes the attraction toward what we want to do and the pattern of avoidance and self-sabotage that are unique to us. They reach a symbiotic standstill over time, which needs to be agitated and broken up periodically.
When you discover your purpose, it is fueled by a longing for greater freedom and fulfillment. We may envision that living and completing our purpose will lead to an enhanced state of happiness, abundance, or fullness. Another way to frame this is that we perceive a gap between what’s here now and how it could be better. This is the inherent trait of all purposes. There’s a spark of insufficiency that hurts in some way. This ache can become your ally. It’s a source of feedback indicating you are awake to your body’s knowledge and you are in the game of mastering your life, no longer on the sidelines as a spectator.
Finding one’s purpose requires a sense of emotional balance
Your purpose as a man has extreme existential meaning for you. You start by relating to the gnawing pull within you. Energy from this pulling will help propel you on your path of discovering and living your purpose.
A distinct feeling arises when you’re on track and a completely different feeling when you’re out of alignment. These feelings are much like the physical sensations involved with balancing while riding a bike or skateboard. You can tell when everything is upright and stable and feel when things start to come undone or move off course. It’s a visceral sensation in your gut, solar plexus, throat, and chest.
Visualize what it would be like to already have achieved your purpose
You must be able to feel the gravity of your emotional pull and understand the energy of the emotions within your own body before you can invite others to help. The best way to do this is to become aware of your goal and imagine that you have actually achieved your purpose.
Fast forward to a picture of yourself having fully achieved your purpose, just as you wanted. Visualize all of the positive aspects of the life journey your purpose entails, and allow yourself to feel the relief of having accomplished everything. This is part of that pull, the knowledge of the feeling of relief that is waiting for you. As you imagine that you have already achieved this thing you have to do, let the positive emotions and sensations wash over you as you bask in that sensation of freedom and accomplishment. Then, imagine how it would feel to share this feeling with others, to inspire and motivate them, to invite them to experience these feelings with you.
As you maintain the sense of how it feels to achieve your purpose in your body, realize that when sharing this with others, it’s more important that you and they jointly resonate with the sensations of this positive emotional energy than the actual content of your words. Engage them with your eyes, face, and breath. BE happy. Embody what it will feel like to fully succeed. See it in detail. Where are you? Who else is present? What are they saying, doing, or experiencing? What are you most grateful for? How has your purpose infected others with gratitude and appreciation?
As you are feeling and visualizing this positive future state, talk with others in the realm of possibilities about the future realm of what’s to come and how it affects you and them.
Follow the flow of the emotion within your own body, and notice when others show signs of feeling resonance. Your purpose is a fire living within you, springing up from your core being. Fan this flame with your enthusiasm. Invite others to share in its warmth and light.
As you gain clarity on the elements of your purpose, start involving others in your vision.
A powerful way of doing this is by joining a men’s group. I recently released my programs for 2022, and I invite you to clarify and master your life purpose in the company of men who call forth the best in each other. If you want to know more, check out my programs here: https://sunyata.info/work-with-me